Happy Thursday! So let me just say this post is not about makeup or clothes-I mean there is more to me than the superficial things. This post is very special for me because it is extremely personal but I am sharing my story to hopefully helps others who are currently grieving and for those who in the future will go through this season I hope you guys can go back to this post for peace and comfort and most importantly to know that you are not alone. Over the last couple of years I have felt that I am truly understanding God’s purpose over my life and that is to help others in several different ways and one way is to share my story. My Grief Story will be broken up into various parts as so much as happened in my life and I will be sharing all of the ugly and heartbreaking parts too so keep reading for part one.
#cklife: my grief story part 1
So…lets go back four years ago to July 30, 2014. I woke up in such a good and happy mood for some reason-I was ready to take on the day. My household was in a sad place because two days prior my step-dad lost his sister to cancer so I was having a positive attitude and trying to push through for him. I never thought for a second that my life would drastically change forever on this particular day.
O.K. back to it, my twin sister and step-dad were both home and we were trying to comfort him little did we know that tables would turn so quickly. I had been working on my blog and trying to figure out how I could do this as a full-time job. Around 12 something I went downstairs to have lunch with my sister and step-dad, we talked, laughed and he shared memories of his sister with us. After a while I decided to go back and finish working. When I returned to my room I noticed that I had a missed call for my dad’s “wife” I’ll explain later why it’s in quotes, we never talked on the phone so I was wondering why she called and I was going to ignore it until I saw she left me a voicemail.
I checked the voicemail and it was hard to make out what she was saying but I heard something happened to your dad and I called back immediately-still I never thought that I would lose my dad on this day. When she finally answered she was crying and kept saying that she couldn’t tell me what happened to my dad, after a couple of minutes a police officer got on the phone and told me that my father had passed away, and I asked why, how, I had so many questions but I couldn’t formulate them, all I could do was scream and cry and then I realized I had to be the one to tell my twin sister and my heart dropped. I ran downstairs with the phone in my hand and crying hysterically and all I could say when she asked what was wrong was that something happened to dad, I could let those words come out of my mouth. She took the phone and the police officer told her our dad was gone. My sister broke down crying and we just cried and hugged each other. Our step-dad called our mom who was at work and she rushed home. While she was driving home me and my sister started calling our other sister-we share the same dad and it was so painful to tell her-they had a troubled relationship and now they would never get that chance to make amends. After that hard phone call we called his siblings to let them know. I never knew pain until that day.
Once my mom returned home all of us went to our dad’s home-that’s where he passed away and it was the longest ride of my life, I kinda thought he would be fine when we got there but that was just wishful thinking. When we finally arrived his wife opened the door and said his body was still there in his bedroom and me and my sister ran upstairs and my worst fear was confirmed I saw my father’s dead body laying in bed and I couldn’t believe it. I was in complete shock, of how is body looked but we’ll get back to that later. My dad’s wife called my grandfather and when he came to the house it was so devastating to see him see his son like that.
After we all walked backed downstairs his wife started telling us so many different stories about our dad and what happened earlier that day and she started asking about money and life insurance and I couldn’t process that, like why is she asking his body was still there. The funeral home came to take his body because his wife wouldn’t let the coroner take him and she told us she would get an autopsy since he was only 50 and in good health but that never happened and me and my sister had no say because he was married is what we were told. I will never forget seeing them carry my dad out of his house in a body bag and all I could do was sit on the couch, cry and feel so helpless. After they took him away me and my sister went into his office and his wife tore up the entire office looking for money and insurance paperwork, I was so shocked me and my sister told our mom that we needed to go it was just too much.
After we all returned home all I kept thinking about was that his wife told us three different stories about what happened to our dad but I stopped myself from thinking about that. Family stopped by to comfort me and my sister which we both greatly appreciated. I didn’t sleep at all that night, I just cried all night long…
O.K. that’s enough for now part 2 coming soon.